No Funny Business
by LoveBackwards
Summary: One-Shot. Naraku wants a meeting to clearly state what he wants his revived villains to do...why is the task of declaring a task so much harder than it seems?


Naraku took in a deep breath and pressed his ear against the door. Today, his goal was to tell his plan; they didn't really deserve an explanation, and give every idiot in the room behind the door their orders.

He cringed at the sounds of yelling and banging, he swore he gave Hakudoshi the task of stripping them of their weapons _before_ they went in the room. He sighed and came in, watching Kagura chase Bankotsu around the large table but holding back on the dance of blades, Renkotsu spitting fire at Abi and her doing it back, probably to see who's was better, Suikotsu hiding under the table in beetle position, Hiten…tripping Bankotsu, Kanna staring into space, sitting at the table, and Hakudoshi sitting smugly at the head of the table, in _Naraku's _seat with his spear hanging loosely over his shoulder. He tightly pinched the spot between his eyes and bit back the urge to yell and just kill them all.

"They have a task, I can't kill them yet…they have a task, I cant kill them yet…" Naraku whispered under his breath in a chant.

"Is here a problem?" Hakudoshi looked up with his sadistic smirk and Naraku opened his eyes and glared down at him.

"I thought you were taking the weapons _away_?" Naraku spat through his teeth.

"Well…I was going to but…then I thought about and well…this seems more entertaining." He held his arm out to the display of attacks, only now, it was Banryu verses Hiten's thunder pike, Kagura still trying to get a hit in there, and Renkotsu just lost his eyebrows in Abi's fire. He scowled while she laughed.

"Hakudoshi…" He growled.

"Hey, fire's an unsustainable element." He defened.

"Do you even know what that means?" Naraku glared.

"…does it really matter?" Hakudoshi blinked and Naraku pushed him out of the seat. "Uhm, ow." He dusted his clothes and Naraku rolled his eyes.

"You're a fucking sadistic killer."

"Doesn't mean I want to have dirty clothes." Hakudoshi retorted in a mumbled and Naraku just stared.

"Are you fucking serious?" Naraku stared.

"Well…c'mon….do you go make your 'badass' appearance in dirty clothes?" Hakudoshi quoted with his fingers.

"Well….no…." Naraku answered slowly.

"Exactly, now imagine wearing white! Ew!" Hakudoshi pulled his shirt out a little and Naraku rolled his eyes and waved his hand.

"Kanna seems to pull it off just fine."

"Look at her!" Hakudoshi pointed. "She's a _void_! She doesn't do anything!" He groaned and covered his face. Naraku sighed.

"Just…shut up already." He sat at the head of the table. Hakudoshi scowled and sat at his right side. "SIT DOWN!" He yelled and everyone looked over. He glared at them all and Hiten scoffed and Abi pulled him down by the braid before he could protest. Kagura huffed and crossed her arms before sitting and Bankotsu smirked and hopped in the seat beside her.

"Oh god…" She groaned and covered her face in her hands.

"Oh baby." Bankotsu winked and Naraku twitched.

"Be perverted and I swear mercenary, you'll die." Naraku threatened and Bankotsu blinked.

"Whoa, what's got your panties in a twist?"

"Watch out, might mess up his hair." Hakudoshi muttered and Naraku glared. He glared back before looking away, keeping himself out of trouble.

"My plans for you all are simple so your minds can comprehend them." He started.

"Hey, I object!" Bankotsu stood up and slammed his fist on the table.

"Here we go…" Renkotsu sighed and hunched over a bit to sneak the wine he snuck in, in hopes of making the meeting go by quicker.

"I am _not_ stupid, and if you expect me to work with you, then you damn well best respect me!" He glared.

"First off, you _work_ for me…" Naraku reminded.

"With."

"For."

"With."

"FOR!"

"WITH!"

"FUCKING FOR ME!"

"FUCKING WITH ME!"

"WHOA TMI!" Hiten covered his ears.

"What was so bad about…oh ew, you just have a suck mind." Renkotsu covered his ears.

"FOR ME AND SECOND OFF….I never called you stupid…" Naraku took his seat again as he calmed down.

"Did so…"

"I just said I wanted to establish a plan where you didn't have to go overboard thinking so you could just fight!" Naraku panted as he finished.

"…oh." Bankotsu sat back down.

"Moronnn." Kagura drawled out and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Do it again and I'll slice it off." Hakudoshi smirked and held up his spear. She rolled her eyes.

"You won't."

"I will so." He growled.

"Fight and I just kill both…no…kill you all." Naraku corrected.

"What'd I do?" Hiten scoffed.

"Oh just shut the fuck up everyone, please." Renkotsu sighed.

"Hey, I'm you're boss." Bankotsu glared.

"Hey, Naraku's yours!" Renkotsu quipped.

"Hey…you sneak!" Abi glared at Renkotsu and downed the rest of the bottle of whine.

"Kami save me…" Naraku rubbed his temples.

"Dammit, I thought I got all the liquor!" Hiten groaned.

"Aha, reject." Bankotsu pointed and laughed.

"Silence!" Naraku snarled and the debated more before calming down once his tentacle slammed on the table. "Finally, now first you need to…" He stopped when the door swung open.

"Sorry I'm late guys!" Jakotsu sighed dramatically and wiped the non existent sweat from his forehead. "So first I was like, 'ok, Naraku has a meeting today', and then I remembered, 'hey, some slut stole my favorite kimono, what the hell am I gunna wear?'" He rambled.

"It's _my_ kimono!" Kagura growled and Naraku felt his eyebrow twitch.

"Soooo I had to go and kill for a new one, literally." He winked, and then, when I got back, my hair and make-up, ugh, had to redo it all."

"Gee, you don't say?" Renkotsu rolled his eyes.

"I know right! So guess what happened next?"

"What?" Bankotsu asked, actually interested in the story.

"Someone stole the last of the sake!" He gaped.

"Nu-uh!" Bankotsu gasped and Renkotsu and Abi sunk down in their seats. Naraku just stared at the 'lethal mercenaries' in shock.

""Yu-huh." Jakotsu sighed. "So I had to go _all_ the way back from the village I _just_ robbed and…"

"That's enough!" Naraku cut him off.

"Ren did it." Hiten pointed to his bald friend and Renkotsu blinked.

"You stole my kimono?" Jakotsu fumed.

"Well actually I meant the wine…oh fuck it, he stole your kimono." Hiten shrugged and Jakotsu growled and whipped his snake-like blade at him.

"You're getting payback thunder boy!" Renkotsu yelled as he ran off down the hall with Jakotsu hot on his heels.

"So…now that they're out of the way…" Bankotsu smirked and yawned, extending his arm around Kagura's shoulder.

"Oh fuck no!" She swatted his hand with her fan.

"Ow!" He yelped and pulled his hand away. Naraku groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh boohoo, I hit the mercenary with a fan." Kagura mocked.

"Yeah you're right…it's a shitty fan." He teased and she arched her brow.

"Wanna see shitty?"

"No…not really." Hiten shrugged as Kagura blew a gust of wind at Bankotsu. "Wanna go?" He winked to Abi.

"Ugh, in your dreams." She scoffed.

"Oh in my dreams, you don't have all these clothes." Hiten grinned and she slapped him. "Oh yeah, you have the tendency to like it rough too." He added and her eyes narrowed to daggers as she started throwing fistfuls of fire at him and he dodged. Naraku sighed and stood up.

"Let's go Kanna." He gestured for him to follow her and she did. "My task for you today…find me wine….and lots of it." He patted her head. She nodded and went off. Hakudoshi rolled his eyes at the four and walked out of the room unnoticed.

Abi swung fire and it caused an explosion, blowing up the wall. Hiten took the chance to fly away and Abi followed him. Bankotsu tried to fight of Kagura with Banryu and ended up in a fight down the halls.

":Fight outside!" Naraku pointed and he did his best to obey.

The small glass that once held wine hit the floor in the room that once held a meeting. Suikotsu sat up slowly from under the table and rubbed his eyes. He blinked when he saw nobody and crawled out from underneath, setting the cup on the table.

"Where'd everyone go…?" He muttered, and then laughed. "Those idiots get to do work while I do nothing, I should nap more often." He smugly leaned back with his hands folded behind his head and closed his eyes.

Not knowing everyone else got the day off too.

-

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**A/N: Sort of related to 'TampBomb' I guess, after Naraku's drinking day he actually came up with something meaningful but…yeah…it never got mentioned. Please review! **


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